it's just a paper...

He said, "I have a house, I have a car and I have you. My life is almost complete."
I asked, "What's missing?"
He said, "Our kids."
I said, "Before kids, there must be marriage."
He said, "It's just a paper."
I said, "I can do the cohabit thing but not pregnancy before marriage. My family will kill me."
He said, "Then let's get married."
I stared hard at him and said, "No."
He asked, "Why?"
I said, "You are getting married for the wrong reason!"
He said, "But you wanted to get married and now I asked, you said no."
I said, "That's because you don't want to marry me."
He said, "I was talking to you and not someone else. What do you mean I don't wanna marry you?"
I said, "And if I tell you I don't want kids, will you still wanna marry me?"
He said, "Why won't you want kids? You love them."
I said, "Loving them and having them is different. Would you still marry me if I don't want kids?"
He said, "It's just a paper."

End of conversation.

I need time...

I need time to walk out of your shadow. I never dare to admit nor face it. I simply avoided it.

Years ago, I liked you yet the stupid and coward me decided to withdraw and avoid all confrontations. It resulted in the regrets and jealousy built over years. I didn't have the courage to love and I can't blame anyone else.

I have moved on and found someone. Someone that will eventually break my heart for sure. Yet, I head right in because I deserve to be punished. I dun deserved to be loved. And I saw you...

The drunkard moments surfaced all the emotions buried over years. I never had a chance to get over you. I just removed myself from you. The crying...the confession...I'm such a pain!

It's awkward now but I guess it's good. I have finally dealt with you. it's time to walk out of your shadow.

their first love

The Big Word - Responsibility

I'm getting married next week. I'm marrying my girlfriend of 3 years. We are getting married just because. She's marrying me coz I'm her first love. I'm marrying her because of responsibility.

There was someone else before her. Someone that made my heart skip a beat. Someone that made me do crazy things. Someone that I texted at 3am to wish her sweet dreams all because I really wished she's have had her sweet dreams. Someone that I loved. But it ended after a while when we grew apart.

And I met my finace. I courted her. She gave me the comfortable feeling. I don't have to do crazy things. My heart was not skipping and beating off beat. I am fond of her. And things just moved on like a cycle. Without knowing, 3 years passed and everyone was expecting us to get married. So we did. We just walked into the jewellery shop, got our wedding ring and everything just moved as planned. There was no proposal.

I was her first love. And I am her everything. If I were to leave her, her world would collapse. It's the end of everything to her. I can't do that to her. The last 3 years - it was her by my side and she will continue to be my side till we both shall live. We're getting married and I will be responsible.

1 week left to our wedding and I'm sitting in the pub alone thinking of someone else. She's returning the country soon, the last I heard. Walking down the marriage asile with someone I don't love as much, what will it make me? Is responsibility that important? What should I do? Oh screw it! I can't back up now. It's too late, right?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

From Friends to Lovers

I am 10 years his senior. My girlfriend and I were in this photography club and one day, she brought him with her. They knew each other through another friend. Since then, the three of us became best friends. We spent a lot of time hanging out, doing crazy stuffs.

Gradually, it was more than just company that we enjoyed. Between me and him, we started talking privately. We texted each other everyday and he would share his problem in the relationship he was in. Eventually, he broke up with her because he fell in love with someone else. And that someone else was me.

One night, I went out with my girl friend for a drink. I've decided to tell her about me and him. When I've got her to guess, she mentioned every single guy that we knew except him. After a while, when no one else was left, she looked at me seriously and mouthed his name. I nodded and her reaction was unexpected. It was tears. It came rolling down her cheek and she questioned me "so you are the third party? all these while and you didn't tell me?!" The night ended.

Soon, we became official. Everyone were against it. With the age difference, with me being the third party issue, no one was supportive. Despite the discouragement, I didn't wanna end. No one has treated me the way he did. I was special to him and I felt special. We pressed on even his family was against it. We pressed on though all my friends warned me to be careful.

Now, we are together for 3 years. And guess what, we are even going to get married soon though his family has yet to accept me. My girl friend smiled and said he was the worst and best thing that could have happened to me. I'm happy that i'm marrying my best friend.

searching...

I am in my midst twenties and I am a relatively young lady compared to my peers. It has always been like this - I'll be the youngest in my group. And maybe for that reason, I was never in a rush. 

I'm single and always have been. I have men courting me but they ain't my type. Yet, when people ask me what's my type, I have no answer. I just say when the right one is here, it's here. But I think I'm slowly not buying that idea anymore. I feel left out when most of your peers are moving on. Endless wedding invitations and baby showers make me jealous and I really hope my soulmate will come soon. 

And I make the decision, I'm not waiting anymore. I'll seek out to my soulmate. I will go look for him or her and make things work. I will love him or her and even if it might break my heart. Impulses or not, I'm leaving the country to see the color of my soul.

I'm still in pain

He courted me for 4 months. These 4 months spent together was beautiful. We went to fancy restaurants, romantic dates, flowers, gifts...we did all dating couples would do. I was in love with this man.

After dinner at our favorite restaurant to celebrate our 100th day anniversary, we went back to his place. It was going to our first night together. I could feel butterflies in my stomach when we walked up the stairs. Every step closer to his apartment, I got more and more nervous. He held my hand and smiled; giving me the assurance, i reckoned.

When we got to his apartment, he sat me down at the couch and went to the kitchen to get us drinks. Some alcohol would be good now. We started drinking and chatted about the plans for tomorrow. And it was at this moment, he kissed me. It was the longest and most passionate kiss I ever got. And I knew he wanted me. Soon, we ended up in his room, undressed and embracing every intimate moment we could have. It was mind-blowing night I had.

Next morning, we went out for breakfast and he told me he had to go Hong Kong for a business trip that night. I was surprised that he didn't mention anything before and I was already beginning to miss him. After breakfast, we split and that was the last I've seen him. For the next few days, i was waiting by my phone like some anxious little girl. I checked my email every 5 minutes, hoping to hear something from him soon. I was about to call him when I bumped into a friend who was his colleague, told me he did not leave town and that he wasn't bound for Hong Kong. I tried calling, texting and emailing him but I've got nothing...just nothing in return.

Weird thoughts ran through my head. I wondered what I did. I wondered whether was it because of that night. I wondered ... I went to his place and all that I had wondered came to a conclusion. A lady opened the door and when I asked for him, she said,"He's not home right now. I'm his wife. Can I help you?" I turned and ran away.

It's been 2 months since that day and I still remember everything. The way we hold each other. The way you laughed. The way you made me smile. I'm still in pain...

xo,
can't-get-over-him