The pursuit of love

They always lived happily ever after. There wasn't any other option to end the fairy tales we read as kids. We continue subsisting on this diet of saccharine-sweet endings as we get older through countless romance novels and romantic comedies and many continue believing in this as an eventuality even if divorce rates continue to climb. 

While the pursuit of a happy ending is a life priority for some, the truth is, getting myself involved in a steady relationship is the last thing on my to-do list. I simply find it unrealistic to commit to something I know for a fact will not always translate into a "happily ever after".

I have my reasons for being cynical. Let me give you some personal statistics - in my 25 years, a total of five couples I know have already divorced and two are in the process of getting theirs. Perhaps my experience is an isolated case, but i think it reflects the current trend in society - that love doesn't last. 

And you can't blame me for feeling cynical when I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces and help out in the healing process of friends and family members who've broken up or gotten divorced. In my mind, the person who might require counseling in the future could very well be me. And that's why when I was 15, I made up my mind never to put myself in such a vulnerable position. 

A happy ending required a lot more than just faith and idealism. It also requires trust, a willingness to sacrifice and a lot of effort. But because I'm not willing to go through all that, I've declared to everyone that I'm a commitment -phobic 

And it's not just about the overwhelming number of relationships ending around me. It's also to do with my personal preferences. I get bored easily and this is also reflected in my relationships with other people, not just men. I always different social groups to hang out with to ensure I never get bored. Some people say that when you're in love with some, you want to spend 24/7 with him. But I don't belong in that camp because it's not about whether I find him fascinating or not. My personal freedom is also immensely important to me. I've woken and decided on the whim to go overseas for a month for no reason other than to please myself. 

If I had a steady partner, i doubt he'd be OK with me leaving for even a day without prior notice. It's difficult to find someone who doesn't question my whereabouts and the people I hang out with, and I don't like it when I have to report my actions to someone else. Call me selfish, but I love doing things my way at my own time. 

I'm currently going out with a few men, and they are aware of each other. I've warned them from the start that I like keeping my options open. I don't commit to anything and don't expect anything in return. And if any of them want more out of me, that's when I give them the boot and run like hell. 

There are many reasons why I've chose to avoid being in a committed relationship. But I do respect and admire those who are able to go through with it and wish them nothing less than true happiness. No matter how much of a commitment-phobic I may be, I still attend weddings and baby showers and wish the happy couple the very best. And if my friends ever encounter marital problems or hiccups in their relationships, they know they can always turn to me for concern and support.


T