He did not hold on to me.

 Source: tinypic.com

I thought he was the one. I thought I have tried my best to make him like me. But I was wrong.

He has been careful. He has been defensive. Maybe he just didn't want to be hurt like in the past relationships. But with that, he lost me along the way.

I started to doubt his feelings for me. I thought it wasn't genuine. I was careful not to let him hurt me. But he has done so. He hurt me for not doing anything. He hurt me for not holding on to me. He hurt me for letting me go.

It was my bad. I was not careful. I let myself fall too quick. I allowed myself to trust this man. He hasn't done me wrong. It's just... ... it's just that he has forgotten to include me into his life. He said he was used to sleeping alone. He said he was used to not having someone. Maybe...

All I want from him was him to include me into his life. All I want was a space in his place. All I want was to be part of his dreams. All I want to be was his special someone. Am I wishing for too much? Am I just digging a hole of sorrow to fill my tears? Should I continue to be that silly girl that prays he would just stop on his path, turn and look at me and hold my hand? Maybe I should just hold on to his and never let go.

she's my poison

source: unknown

The sight of her makes my heart skip a beat.
Her scent makes me lose control of my breathing.
Listen! her voice...she draws me into her world.

Our first night was beautiful. She invited me to stay over her place. I have no idea that I would be so allured into her beauty. I tried to breathe. I tried to speak. I tried...but I was drawn into her eyes and I drove myself deep into her. She asked, "Are you okay?" I was nervous.

After that night, everything about her makes me crazy. I just wanted more. I wanted everything about her. I want to hear from her. I want to kiss her. I want to hold her to sleep. I want to make her mine. I was obsessed with her.

I can't live a day without hearing from her. I can't go to sleep if I didn't kiss her goodnight. My mind linger to her every time I have the chance to dream. What did she do to me? What poison did she give me?

I wanna make you...

Source: thirteendian

it's just fiction

image: Anatasaia Volkova

I wrote about our first meeting
How I'll be anxious about each others company
To watch the flutter of your eyelashes
To feel your skin of cinnamon
And yes, your douchebag smile

Wrote about how we'll spend nights together
Under flame trees and street silhouettes
Talk until the midnight skies gave way
Drunk from  the cups of each others voices
We'd speak to tell love
No kiss can express

Just you and me

How you'll wake up with a drool on your mouth
Laughing, I plant a kiss on your face
My fingers tracing your contours
A sudden twisted sadness
An ambitious tear tempts to fall

Yes, I wrote about the possibility
Envisaged the possibility of
Us, being soulmates
Taking a try and be real ones
And not just
Some lines on papers
And question marks

And when someone asks me about this man
With his eyebrows thick as ink
Lost between rhyming and
Haiku's' turning to sonnets

I mumble and blush
Tear and scratch
On your initials
Written at the first of this poem
And sigh out; "It's just fiction."

syl

I will always love you...

Source: Unknown

My dad told me when I was young that you will never forget your first love. I think I know what he means now. 

Love at first sight, maybe. When I saw him, I just couldn't take my eyes off him. I had to force myself to stop staring. And I guess it was too obvious that he came over to where I was sitting during the party and asked "Are you admiring me?" Gosh, even his voice drew me in the deepest end of fairy tales. I couldn't stop gazing at him and I didn't answer his question. He took my hands and brought me to the dance floor. I don't remember breathing. 

After that night, I thought I would have never seen him again. When I received his text the next day, I flew the rockets to cloud nine. He's asking me out for dinner. HE'S ASKING ME OUT~ I shrieked and danced around my room. I took the whole day to dress up and I was ready thirty minutes before he came and pick me up. The butterflies...the heartbeat...I thought I was going to faint. 

At dinner, we talked about everything under the sky. He told me about his plans after college and I told him mine. And I knew he was admiring me too through the way he stared at me. After dinner, we went for a stroll and we continued to talk about plans in the future. And when we finally stop, he kissed me. That was it. I was knew I was done.

A few days later when he got back to town, he came and looked for me. We spent the weekends laughing, talking, kissing and laying the bed till the wee hours. We spent every moment in love with each other. It was wild and crazy. It was mad and heart stirring. It was our love. 

We graduated and we both left the country to pursue the plans we had. We still text and email each other once in a while. It's been 5 years since I last saw him and I can never erase him.

-Kel

he still haunts...

image source: favin.com

I couldn't help it. When I read the post 'The Ghost of Love', I just have to share.

I never had him, B. We had never talked about us. We were just together for the sake of being together. He had me and I had him. We thought it was enough. Then, he wanted more and I wanted more too. But we were just too stubborn to let it go, we refused to give each other what we wanted and eventually we separated ways. It's been 3 months since I talked to B. He moved on and so did I.

But I cannot stop thinking about him since. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of him. Even when I daydream, my mind wonders to him. I cannot stop myself. God! Help me!

There's this new guy, M, that I am seeing right now. M was perfect for me. He's nice to me and he dotes on me. He takes good care of me and even attempts romantic gestures to sweep me off my feet. Yet everything he does makes me unhappy. Every time he tries to be nice to me, I just wish it was B instead. B is a past to me. He has to be.

I need him to go away. I need him to stop haunting me. I need to move on.

The Ghost of Love

The ghost of love has a name.

It's called Past, and the living knows him. Like a memory, or a distanced friend whom you've long stopped speaking to, but still sometimes dreamed about.

Past was born a loner; he deserts the tangible, the sounds and the laughter. He contents himself in his quiet dwelling that is murky solitude, and often seeks the companionship of no one, except, on occasion... Present.

Present is a living being; Past didn't fancy her initially- he thought she changed too much. There were the days when she shone with irrepressible joy and optimism, her face plastered with what he still recognises as an expression of elation. At other times however, a pair of lost,vacant eyes greeted him from afar, and he would stare transfixed as she trudged away wordlessly, her movements heavy and limp.

Having long had a penchant for the peaceful constant, Past wasn't immediately drawn to her. Gradually however, he found Present to be strangely fascinating.

And so he decided to befriend her.

He materialised in front of her one breezy night and Present looked up, only mildly surprised.

"I know you," she said.

"You do? How?"

"I just do."

And so he stayed.

Soon, Past began to suspect hid sporadic appearances, and the timings in which he made them, had influenced on her increasingly shifting tempers.

One chilly night, when Past glided into vision, the wan smile that was on Present's face was replaced with a look of ecstasy, and Past knew she had missed him. When he surfaced again the next morning however, she told him irritably to leave, and when he refused and persisted in shadowing her for days, she broke down, begging shakily in between sobs for his departure.

He couldn't understand it, and so wounded, he retreated once again, into aloneness.

A few months later, he felt unable to contain his one, nagging desire an longer. The inexplicably inextinguishable desire to tail and be with Present, to live with her, to remind her of his existence.

When he found her this time, the air was pensive and as he drifted down to sit beside her, Present was unperturbed, a small smile playing on her lips, her gaze wistful and lingering in the distance.

Past followed the direction of her eyes and made out a handsome although indistinct figure in the silvery midst. This silhouette was smiling, and beckoning in their direction.

"Future," Present sighed.

A wave of jealousy overcame Past and he prodded her sharply. "Stop looking."

Present looked momentarily startled. "What? Why?"

"Because you should be with me."

She gave a nervous laugh and shook her head.

"You know me," Past went on. " I was part of you, and always will. We belong together."

"We... we used to. Not anymore,no."

"You can't forget me."

"What? No... I can. I mean, I want to. I try."

"stop trying. Just be with me."

"No," she said desperately. "I don't w -"

"I'll follow you."

Present looked up at Past for a long time and said nothing.
At last she rose and gave him a sad smile. " I know."

Then she turned her head towards Future and contemplated the promising albeit vague figure in the near distance.

"But not for long..." She whispered. I hope.

-SYL